A Tiff at TIFF

And where is Larry David when I need him?

I frequently talk to the boys about the importance of thinking before acting and of using a “pause button” before making any important decision. I must confess, though, that my own button isn’t always as handy as it should be. I was at the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) yesterday, and if you know anything about the festival, you know that it involves long lines. After waiting patiently for 30 minutes, just as my wife and I were about to finally enter the theatre, a man and a woman cut right in front us.

Without hitting my PB, I instinctively blurted — in a voice that was far too loud — “Did those people really just cut in?”

Much to my chagrin, the man instantly turned around, looked me straight in the eye, and in a startlingly deep voice said, “Yes, we did. Is there a problem?”

Since said gentleman was over 5 foot 2, I immediately ruled out violence as a means of addressing the issue. In an attempt to both diffuse the situation  and avoid those long waiting lines at Mt. Sinai’s emergency room, I resorted to a cheap trick:

“You aren’t by any chance Americans, are you?”

“Why we’re from California. How could you tell?”

“Well, it’s just that Canadians like ‘peace, order, and good government’ whereas I know you folks enjoy a good jaywalk when the spirit moves you.”

“You’re right. I jaywalk all the time. Enjoy the movie.”


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