Free Agent Faculty…

July 10, 2015

Greenwich, Ct.

JG: Hi there, everyone, I’m Jim Gray of ESPN, and I’m here in Greenwich this evening with UCC teacher, Richard Tong, and he is about to let the world know where he will teach next year. So let’s get started.

JG: Richard, can you give our viewing audience a sense of what these past few months have been like?

RT: First, I want to begin by thanking my millions of fans, and I want to say how humbling all of this has been. Yessirree, I am one humble guy. Anyway, I’ve been happy teaching in Toronto for a number of years, but as you know, I opted out of my contract with UCC and decided to test free agency this summer. And being recruited by all of these schools, well, it’s been quite an experience.

JG: Can you elaborate on that?

RT: Again, it’s been very humbling, but after being wined and dined in exotic places like Hamilton, Winnipeg, and Aurora, I’ve decided to take my talents to Miami International School.

JG: Congratulations! What was it that made you decide on that?

RT: Well, as you know Gregory McDonald and David Fraser, former UCC teachers, had already signed on to teach there in Miami, and I just thought, at this stage in my career, I just want to win. Gregory, David, and I clicked when we taught together at last summer’s olympic IB symposium. And I just said to myself, “Self, I am all about winning.”

JG: Did anything else factor into your decision?

RT: Hey, it was orange juice and sunshine in January vs slush and poutine in April. Richard knows how to do the math on all of this!

JG: Did you just refer to yourself in the 3rd person?

RT: Hey, I can use the 4th person. I’m headin’ to South Beach, big boy!

JG: What do you say to those who point out that, even though you teach at a high level, you haven’t really won anything in Toronto?

RT: Are you serious? When I first arrived, those Theory of Knowledge stiffs thought Kant was a contraction! They couldn’t have spelled “IB” if you had spotted them the“I.” Seriously, saying that Richard Tong hasn’t won anything… I’d like to give those critics my own categorical imperative, if you know what I mean.

JG: I know the folks back in Toronto will be devastated.

RT: I do feel bad about that. And it’s tough leaving. They did a nice job of making me feel wanted. I remember when the principal stood outside my classroom all day wearing a sandwich board sign that said, “UCC begins with you!”  I was touched. I really was. And he did stress the old, “There is no I in team.” But there is a “me”  in there somewhere — if you look at it sideways. Sort of…

JG (holding an earpiece): Richard, reports have already started to circulate that people are burning your jerseys in Toronto, and folks have started breaking anything that looks like the nifty “John Boy Walton” glasses you sport. We’ve also been told that the principal has posted a very critical letter about you on the school’s web site, claiming you are a, and I quote, “A no good, double dealin’, multi-variable equation-lovin’ Benedict Arnold of a betrayer.”

RT: I’m not sure he actually appreciates how the Benedict Arnold reference will play up there, but I do appreciate his sentiment.

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